YOUR'S IS HARDER THAN MINE!!!!!

         November 10, 2022 was the day I had to make a trek to Niles, Ohio to say my last goodbye to my brother Paul. I didn't wear my suit coat or shirt and tie, I just had a pull over shirt on to drive the three and a half hours to the funeral home. Once I got there, I asked my brother Bill where the bathroom was. He took me in the back door and pointed to the restroom. I went in and he followed me in to talk about how Kathi was doing. I started taking off my pullover shirt and the conversation went like this:

    Bill - "Do you know how hard it was to button this top button? I had to get a spoon to stretch out the hole.

    Me - "Probably was a pain in the @$$ since you haven't worn a suit since Mick died" but let me show you something. I grabbed the top button of my shirt and pulled to show how the elastic stretched over to the button hole.

    Bill - "You got one of those expensive shirts"

    Me - "Not really expensive, but practical" as I struggled to button it. "WILL YOU PUT THIS IN THE HOLE"?

    Bill - "Yours is HARDER THAN MINE IS"

    Me - I hope not! mine's been dead for 20 years.

We both started laughing hysterically, when there was a tap on the door. and Bill and I just looked at each other thinking the whole funeral home heard our conversation. I opened the door to Jason's son Carson and asked him if he wanted to come to the party. He shook his head and said he just needed to throw something away. After he did, I asked him, Are you sure you don't want to stay for the party. He said, "I think the party is full already. I shut the door and Bill and I started laughing again.

That was the story the rest of the afternoon. Going to miss you Paul! Thanks for bringing us together again so we can laugh and visit with family.

I'm 16, and I like it!!!!!!

I was reading facebook today and saw a post that was posted by my niece about something her son Hunter said and it rushed me back in time to a time I will always remember and cherish in my mind. The year was 1974, and yes I was 16 and working on getting my license. The first memory is with my Dad. I was driving around Akron with Dad as a passenger, teaching me about drivers safety and the conversation went something like this:

Dad - Tommy, you need to slow down there is a stop sign up ahead.
Me - Dad that stop sign is around 500 yards ahead!
Dad - When you're driving you have to always plan ahead. I want you to turn left on East Market
Me - O.K.
Dad - Turn your blinker on!
Me - Dad! East Market street is about 500 yards ahead!
Dad - You always have to plan ahead when you're driving!
Me - (turned on the windshield wipers)
Dad - What the HELL did you turn on the wipers for???
Me - (yelling) IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN TOMORROW!!!!!!
Dad and I both laughed hysterically all the way home....

Then came the day that every boy waits for since he could ride a bike, Yep! I'm getting my license. Mom lets me drive to the BMV (before DMV), to get my prize. On the way, she says to me, Thomas don't embarrass me when we get there. When have I ever embarrassed you? She gives me those you've got to be kidding me eyes, and I just smirk. We walk into the BMV, and behind the counter is the hottest girl I have ever laid eyes on. Mom looks at me and says behave yourself...  the scene went like this:

Mom - My son is here to get his license!
Hottie - Age?
Me - 16
Hottie - Height?
Me - 6'1"
Hottie - Weight?
Me - 150 (I haven't always been Fat!)
Hottie - Eyes?
Me - TWO (Mom smacks me in the head, Hottie smiles) Blue I'm sorry
Hottie - Hair?
Me - Brown
Hottie - Sex? (looks up anticipating my response)
Me - SURE!!!!! Hottie Laughs Out Loud and Mom walks out while I scream "WHAT DID I SAY?"

These two experiences are the two I remember most vividly with my Parents.  

CALLED TO SERVE.

February 2000, I was called to be the financial clerk for the Springfield Ward in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. Not having any experience with finances, I wondered how I would be able to do the things necessary for me to fulfill the call. My first semi-annual audit, I had two and a half pages of write ups to fix. I felt overwhelmed at times and prayed for guidance and support. With the help of another member of the Ward, we dug in to the books to straighen out the finances. We were at the church, three maybe four nights a week going over checks that had been written and financial statements that had been filed that had not been reconciled. This, of course was all before the computer came into play, so I spent many nights on the phone with church headquarters, trying to iron out situations that were just not right.

Well, after three months of this, I finally started to see light at the end of the tunnel. Things started running smoother, and the check book was remaining balanced. My second audit, I had two write ups that I was able to fix on the spot (OTS). Things remained calm for about 18 months when we received the first computer for our Ward. My partners brain melted, and I knew that if I was going to maintain my perfect record that I would have to hunker down and do the training classes provided with the computer. It was pretty computer friendly, but my older partner was still fearful of the box that now sat in the clerks office.

Fast forward to June 2012. I was released as the financial clerk, and I had a sense of pride, that I was turning it over to another, after 12 years, with no write ups of any kind. I was truly blessed and saw numerous miracles happen in my life, because of this calling.

A week later I was interviewed and called as the Second Counselor to the Elders Quorum President. I have been in this calling before and knew what was expected of me. The Stake Presidency sustained me and I prayed and asked the Lord to not make this calling as long as the last one. I got a phone call on Friday from the Stake Presidency again, asking if they could see me before Sacrament meeting today. 15 July 2012. When I went into the office, I was told that I was released because the Elders Quorum President was released, and with him goes his counselors. It was almost like I heard the Lord say: "WAS THAT SHORT ENOUGH?" So I went from the guy who served the longest calling in the Ward, to the guy who served the shortest calling in the Ward in a matter of three weeks. GOD IS GREAT!

NO THANKS! WE HAD DOUGHNUTS

This story takes place at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in 1992 or 93. It had been a long and dreary winter and the kids were tired of being pent up like animals. I told them that I would take them sled riding if they did all their chores quickly. Around 3:30 in the afternoon we left for the hill for an afternoon of fun, and I see now why you have kids when you are young, because you would not be able to keep up with them if you are as old as I am now! I lost count, how many times I climbed this particular hill this day, but it was a lot...

After the sun went down, it began to get colder, so I told the kids it was time to go home and you know how kids are when they are having fun. "WE AREN'T READY TO GO HOME YET DADDY" I finally told them that if the got in the van, I would take them sliding some other place. They piled into the van and were excited to go to another hill, but we were not going to another hill. I started driving home when Tom asked; "WHERE ARE WE GOING DAD?" I said we were going to the shopping center. He said; "BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO ANOTHER HILL?" I told him, as I turned into the shopping center, that I did not say we were going to another hill, but slide at a different location. By then Tom was getting upset, and started copping an attitude. I asked him why he was so upset, and he said; "YOU LIED TO ME!"

Just then I told him to hang on and he looked at me with his doubting Thomas look, when I punched the accelerator and cut the wheel hard to the left, the kids eyes grew wide and they started hooting and hollering that this was fun. Then I would cut it hard to the right and more screams came from the back seat. I think Tim and Greg had the best time strapped in their car seats screaming YIPPIE!!!!!!!

After about 20 minutes of this I told the kids we needed to go home but to not mention anything about doing doughnuts in the shopping center parking lot. We all went in the back door and were taking off hats, boots, gloves and coats. Kathi asked if we wanted her to order Pizza? With out skipping a beat Tim said "NO THANKS MOM! WE HAD DOUGHNUTS" Kathi looked at me and said where did you have doughnuts? Tim said "DOWN IN THE PARKING LOT!" and thats when the fight started....

HELP ME JEFF!!!!!!!

I'm sitting here on Mothers Day thinking of my Mother, and how much I miss her today, and everyday for that matter. Than I look back at my Wife and remember all those glorious times we had being parents. This particular story happened when we were station at RAF Bentwaters U.K.

We used to have a teenage boy (Jeff) babysit for us, so Kathi and I could go out on dates. Tom loved Jeff, he would carry Tommy around by his feet, and throw him onto the couch, and Tommy would laugh so much it was pretty hilarious. In late 1982, Kathi and I were at church and Tommy was being a PITA (Pain In The Ankle) as Kathi would say. I was holding Missy and had just got her to sleep when Tommy started. I looked at Kathi and said it was her turn to take him out and tell him he needed to be reverent. Kathi rolled her eyes, and grabbed Tom by the arm and started walking out with him. All of sudden, Tom screams at the top of his lungs. "HELP ME JEFF, SHE'S GOING TO BEAT ME" Everybody in the congregation started to laugh histarically. I was totally embarassed and kinda scooted down in my seat. Kids always pick the most inoppurtune time to say or do something that will totally embarass his/her parents. I used to always say that we would spend the first two years of a childs life, trying to teach them to talk and walk. Than we spend the rest of their lives telling them to "SIT DOWN AND SHUT-UP!"

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!

APRIL FOOLS

This story happened on April 1st 1990 or 91. Tom Jr. has always been a prankster, and this particular prank stunned his growth. Let me start by saying that Greg and Tim love to sleep. Tim, in a seminary class, was once given a chance to draw his thoughts of what heaven looked like. He drew a picture of his bed. This particular Saturday, April 1st, Tom decided to pull a joke on his younger brothers and wake them up at 7:30 in a rush and tell them that they were going to be late for school. He helped them get ready and sent them out the back door so that they could walk the block and a half to the school house. Tom then ran out the front door, and ran to the school and hid in the bushes and waited for his prey. As Tim and Greg walked past the bushes, in which Tom was hiding, he jumped out and screamed "APRIL FOOLS!" and began to laugh. Once Greg heard Tom say it was Saturday and they didn't have school, he pounced on Tom with Tim's help, and beat him 'till he couldn't grow no more. That is why Tom, to this day, is shorter than his brothers.

Later on that afternoon I heard screaming coming from the downstairs bathroom. I went running in to witness Gregs pee bouncing out of the toilet and onto the walls. After further investigation, I saw cellophane over the toilet bowl. I turned to see Missy and Tim standing there dumbfounded with no Tom Jr. I began the hunt for my son with a bucket, a rag and a spounge. I found him hiding under his bed giggling. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out from under the bed and asked him where he learned such a stunt. He replied "NICKLODIAN" Needless to say Nicklodian was off limits for two weeks. I told him it was his chore to clean the downstairs bathroom, and that he should thank his lucky stars that his Mother didn't sit on that toilet, or he would be dead! Nothing I could of done to save him from the Rath of MOM!

Later on that evening more screaming came from my daughter Missy's room. I ran upstairs to see the tears flowing from my daughters eyes as Mr. Bear was hung from her ceiling fan doing the Hokie Pokie. I sentenced my son to a visit with his Mother, and the smirk instantly left his face. I told him earlier that there was nothing I could do to save him anymore, He slowly walked down the hallway toward my room, like an inmate on deathrow.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!

"MY LEGS ARE BROKE"

Kathi and I would always joke around with one another in the early years of our marriage. When ever I accused her of not having a sense of humor, she would say, "I married you!" If I ever asked for a glass of ice water she would say "Why can't you get it yourself?" I would reply "My legs are broke," Kathi would smile and when I least expected it, she'd ask me to get her something. When I looked at her curiously she'd say "My legs are broke". We continued this for years. A little while after the "I KILLED MISSY!" story, we had a funny experience. It was a late Saturday morning, the sun was out and the flowers were blooming. I had the sliding glass door open so that we could get some fresh spring air through the screen door. I sat down to watch the Cleveland Indians VS Oakland A's. We were stationed in California and the game started at 1:05 Cleveland time, so it was 10:05 California time. Missy and Tom Jr. had been sitting at the dining room table, coloring in their coloring books, for a while and Kathi was in the bedroom folding clothes and talking to her mother on the phone.. Kathi yelled from the bedroom "MISSY! GRANDMA WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE", Missy jumped off her chair and immediately did a face plant on the dinning room floor. She began screaming "MY LEGS ARE BROKE!" and I busted up laughing because that's how she interpreted what Kathi and I have been telling each other for years. My legs are broke, means that my legs are asleep and they would not work. Kathi came out and started lecturing me again about laughing at our children when they got hurt. I said "Her legs are going to heal pretty quick, its not like they are really broke! But you know how it is with Moms and their children. Fathers are STUPID! Kathi said "Will you come over here and hug your daughter and let her know everything will be alright. I said "I can't, my legs are broke" That's when the fight started.